Friday, December 31, 2004

Last Post of 2004
Posted by Sam at 8:17 PM

Check it out. Fireworks (excuse the crappy fone-cam photo). Right outside of my apartment. My housemate, Sarah, summed it all up earlier when she said, "We definitely don't pay enough to live here." She's right. This pad rocks. Right in downtown Noho. It's dirt cheap too.

Anyway, I need to nap before the festivities begin. Happy New Year to all!

Wait... It just occurred to me that this is most probably going to be my last post of 2004. Crud. I need to write something more profound than this. Ok... I got it: Do you ever like, feel that this world is only like, a computer simulation and we're all like totally plugged into it? And like, the real world is like, controlled by robots... that like, farm our life essence to fuel their world? It's like we're all part of some kind of like, matrix or something...

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Thursday, December 30, 2004

My Finest Blog Entry Yet
Posted by Sam at 2:39 PM

Well, I bought a shiny new watch today... to replace the one that went a.w.o.l. a few weeks ago. And you know what that means? It means that I am bound to find my original watch. That's just the way thing seem to work.

I also lost my gloves. And I may have lost my cell fone. And clearly, this is my finest blog entry yet.

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Morning Brain Vs. Death Star
Posted by Sam at 10:49 AM

I've officially declared Fridays to be the day of untucked-in shirts at work. So, untuck that shirt everybody! Join me in corporate rebellion!

UPDATE: Hmmm... a coworker just informed me that, contrary to what my brain insists on, today is not Friday. I've got three devices on my person at this very instant that shout (visually) the day, time, and date. You'd think that one of these devices would be able to penetrate the morning-brain force field... but alas, much like the Death Star, its defenses are too strong. "It's defenses are designed around a direct large-scale assault. A small one-man fighter should be able to penetrate the outer defense." For this Death Star/Morning Brain analogy to work, we need to make a few replacements. Let's substitute "a small one-man fighter" with "a cup of coffee." "It's defenses are designed around a direct large-scale assault. A cup of coffee should be able to penetrate the outer defense."

See how relevant this is? Whoever took Star Wars out of basic high school curriculum should be thrown in the garbage mashers on the detention level.

"Listen to them! They're dying, Artoo! Curse my metal body! I wasn't fast enough. It's all my fault!"

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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Who's the Cutest Running Robot? Asimo!
Posted by Sam at 10:19 AM

What's the only thing better than a giant fake transforming robot (with dancing skills that would put John Revolta to shame)? A real robot built by Honda that can run (click here for video).

This the cutest thing that I have seen in a while. I want one! Asimo is totally going on my xmas list for next year...

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Monday, December 27, 2004

Something Great at 3 a.m.
Posted by Sam at 3:04 AM

Yes, it's 3 a.m.. What am I doing posting to my blog at this ungodly hour? I have no idea... Actually, I'm just that devoted to this weblog.

That's a lie. The real reason, is that I just discovered something great. Or possibly disconcerting... no, definitely great. At least great at 3 a.m.. Ready? Check this out:

If you google for the words, gross noises, is the fourth result down. Oh joy!

I sleep now.

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Sunday, December 26, 2004

A Post Xmas Post
Posted by Sam at 3:47 PM

Well, Xmas 2004 has come and gone. All in all, I'd say that it was a pretty successful holiday. The xmas death mix was well received... for the most part. Mostly, I think it's recipients were frightened. Not really for themselves, but for me and my well-being. Which is nice... nice to know people are concerning themselves with my mental health (in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have given one to my mom).

I gave some good gifts, and I received some good gifts. On the top of the list for gifts given would probably have to be the fire hydrant shaped cookie that I gave to my little sister's puppy. I have totally and utterly fallen in love with this puppy... she's the cutest little hellraiser. I am going to miss her (and my sister) immensely when they move to Georgia... but I won't talk about that now, as the tears welling up in my eyes are making it tough to see what I'm typing.

As for gifts received... well I think that it's a tie (no, not a necktie, you dolt). From his personal and well maintained collection, my pal Sean gave me a wonderfully functional Spyderco folding knife. It's a really comfortable folder. Easy to open, close, and use. The other gift is a Crumpler Crisp Suit messenger style laptop bag... which I am field testing at this very moment. Hopefully soon I'll post about it. It's cool enough to deserve an exclusive post/review... what can I say, I'm a total gear junkie.

The best (and cheesiest) part of this past Xmas, was the quality time that I spent with my family. They are the best. No one makes me laugh like they do... sometimes at them, but mostly with them. I have so much fun when I hang out with them. They are good people... albeit insane. Pot calling the kettle black!

That's all for now. The remaining quarter of my coffee has gone cold and I am in dire need of a refill. Before I go however, I will leave you with this unrelated yet superbly brilliant epiphany. This came to me earlier and my life has not been the same since: When I get a puppy of my very own, I am going to name her/him Iommi... after the not-yet-dead (but probably deceased by the time that I actually get around to getting a puppy) guitar legend from Black Sabbath. "Here Iommi! Fetch me that Gibson SG. Good girl! Where's your Ozzy chew toy? That's it. Yep... bite the head off! Shake it... make sure it's dead! Good Iommi. Good puppy."

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Friday, December 24, 2004

xmas death, volume III
Posted by Sam at 2:26 AM

If you were my friend, you would get one of these for xmas (now don't you wish that you were nicer to me?):

xmas death, volume III is the semi-annual, suicide-inducing, totally rockin' mix CD that I pass out to all my peeps during the holiday season. Click here for the liner notes (doh! I just realized that the most current version is on my G4 at work. I'll post an update on Tuesday)... and click here for a high res version of the cover.

If, by some freak occurrence, you did not receive your copy of xmas death, volume III, and you feel that you have been robbed out of what is rightly yours, one of three things may be going on. 1) Your perception of the quality of our friendship is slightly askew (hahaha! Just kidding. I love everyone equally and thoroughly) 2) I haven't gotten to you yet. 3) I've forgotten all about you. If any of the above are true, let me know... and I'll do my best to rectify this dire situation immediately.

Happy holidays everyone! Blog on!

Oh... I'm sure that I'm going to have a few extras. If anyone is interested, you can send me your address and I'll see if I can send one out to you.

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Thursday, December 23, 2004

My Friend Jenn is Getting Hitched!
Posted by Sam at 11:04 AM

Whoa. I'm totally stoked for her. Her soon-to-be husband is such a cool guy. My friend Jenn is such a cool gal. They're gonna be such a cool married couple. Yeah marriage!

Now I want to get married. Someone marry me... quick... before I get bored with that idea and move on to something else. Like teaching monkeys to fight.

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Frank Miller's Sin City
Posted by Sam at 1:25 PM

My friend Mike pointed me to a trailer for the up and coming Sin City film. Oh my god... I'm a huge Frank Miller and Sin City fan, and this trailer looks pretty nice (please hollywood, don't screw this one up. I beg you...). Some of the shots from the movie look as though they have been lifted straight from the comics too.

I'm pretty excited for this. Remind me not to let my expectations get too high though. I don't think that I could live through another DareDevil fiasco...

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I'm 26 and I've Accomplished Nothing
Posted by Sam at 11:00 AM

This 26 year old steelworker is in the process of fabricating a giant mechanical robot that a human will be able to operate with typical everyday movement:

"When completed, the idea is for the pilot to be able to strap himself into a central, padded compartment, and then control the mecha with the motions of his own body. When the pilot walks, the mecha walks. Raise an arm and open a hand, and the mecha does the same, with 46 possible movements planned."

Holy crap. I'm the same age as this guy and I haven't built a giant robot yet. What is my problem? I'm such a huge slacker!

This dude is constructing this feat of awesomeness in his own backward! For now, I'll make myself feel better by using that as an excuse. He's got a backyard. I don't. I mean, if I had a backyard, I'd probably have built all sorts of cool stuff by now. Damn this apartment living lifestyle!

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Monday, December 20, 2004

Totally Tubular
Posted by Sam at 10:03 PM

I did some good stuff this weekend. Yep... good stuff. I went to New York City with my totally tubular housemates to visit my totally tubular friend, Todd. Todd is rad. He's like the big brother I never had (fists and all). When Todd and I get together, we instantly regress to a freshman-in-high-school-like relationship. It's great. We tell each other how hot each other's mom is, we punch each other in the arms (well, Todd mostly punches me), we sing punk rock lyrics, we play with each other's toys (Macs, cell fones, guitars, cds...), etc...

On Saturday we saw Todd's band, Dumo. They were pretty fun... good stage presence, good vocals, expensive beer ($3 for a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon... a CAN!? Well, I guess it is New York City). Then we were off to Times Square, where I took that exquisite camera fone photo of todd.

At Todd's house in Brooklyn, he had no heat or hot water. You'd think that the Technical Project Manager for (who gets paid more than god, I might add), would be able to afford heat and hot water. But like I said, it is New York City. So, in Todd's arctic tundra, I slept on the floor... fully clothed, including my shoes and coat.

Sunday morning = the best omelet that I've ever had. It was Mexican.

I really can't believe that I only took one photo during the entire weekend. If Todd were here right now, I'd tell him to email the photos and video that he took this weekend... or else I might have to post some of the photos and video that I have from years long since passed. (If this were some kind of futuristic video blog, there would be a flashback/dream sequence thingy now. Nope. Sorry. None for you.)

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"We Entered Winter Once Again"
Posted by Sam at 10:18 AM

Snow! It rocks. I know it's inconvenient and wet and cold... but hot damn! I just love it. I love looking at it, listening to it, touching it, eating it. I love wearing a sweatshirt underneath my jacket. I love watching movies while it's snowing outside. I love wearing boots. I love coming inside and drinking coffee. I love tromping around in fresh snow...

I also enjoy long walks on the beach, candle-lit dinners, romantic movies, and... Oh, wait. That's for a different website.

We entered Winter once again
Naked, freezing from my breath
'Neath the lid, all limbs tucked away
This coffin is your abode from now and onwards

-The Leper Affinity (Opeth)

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Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Three B's of Good Health
Posted by Sam at 4:13 PM

I am burned out.

Need beer. Need burrito. Need bed.

This weekend should be nice though. I'm going to see my pal Todd in NYC. Todd is the coolest. He loves with his fists. I'll probably come home with battle scars. I will be sure to snap some photos.

That's all I can muster for now. More later...

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Monday, December 13, 2004

What has it got in its pocketses?
Posted by Sam at 2:59 PM

Clearly, I'm insane. This is nothing new to the people who know me well. The following inventory should be used as documentable proof of my dementia. Use it responsibly... I hear insanity is contagious.

List of things that I currently carry in my pockets at all times:
1. Keys
2. Mini Mag-Lite (attached to keys)
3. Leatherman SideClip
4. Pilot Precise V7 Rolling Ball Pen (red)
5. Burt's Bees, Beeswax Lip Balm (.30 oz.tin)
6. Sony Ericsson T-610 bluetooth camera fone
7. Wallet with all the appropriate accouterments (thanks Sarah)
8. Collapsable travel toothbrush

Total Current Weight = 1.24 lbs. (according to the FedEx scale at work)

In addition to the above, I often carry the following:
9. Palm Tungsten E with 64mb expansion card
10. 20gb Second generation iPod
11. Sharpie Fine Point Marker (black)

Total Additional Weight = 1.16 lbs.

Total Weight = 2.4 lbs.

Why do I carry so much crud around with me? I have no idea. How do my pants stay up? I have even less of an idea. What I do know however, is that I couldn't imagine facing the day without all of that stuff. What about you? How much gear do you carry around?

"Then suddenly out of the gloom came a sharp hiss. 'What has it got in its pocketses?'" - Gollum

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Thursday, December 09, 2004

2 a.m.
Posted by Sam at 11:50 AM

Yesterday was a weird day. All day long it just felt weird. There were anxious moments... I sat through a meeting discussing the upcoming uncertainties at work. There were depressing moments... I worked on a photograph of a friend's grandfather, who is not doing well. There were awkward moments... conversations that didn't quite flow (but have since been resolved). Fun moments... hanging out with some current housemates as well as housemate alumni. And, then there were frightening moments...

Here's the gist: Last night, at 2 a.m., some random stranger entered my apartment, climbed the stairs, and attempted to invade the bedrooms (and occupy the beds... much to the surprise of those bed's current occupants) on the second floor. My quick-thinking housemate, took charge of the situation and promptly ejected this dude from our apartment. No one was harmed. Nothing was stolen. I, living on third floor, basically slept through the entire incident.

That shit is fucked up. I don't really know how else to put it.

The most important thing here is that my second floor peeps seem to be ok, albeit slightly shaken up.

Anyway... I've been on the internet all morning trying to find a place where I can order an ED-209 to patrol the downstairs while we sleep. That mofo is brutal. It nearly destroyed RoboCop. If only it could walk down stairs...

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Happy Blog-Mitzvah to me!
Posted by Sam at 9:56 AM has hit a very important milestone this morning. Yes, there comes a time in every young blogger's life where she or he must confront this demon. It's inevitable, evil, and uncalled for. Yet, it's also a sign of growth... an indication that this little blog is reaching out and touching the lives of the belligerent. Touching them right in grundle.

At this point, I'd like to call attention to my very first hostile comment to a post (and of course, it was posted by Anonymous). It came late last night, to my second post (posted Tuesday, October 26, 2004 at 4:03 pm) entitled, New iPods. I care... don't I? Here it is... oh, pay special attention to the "apple sucks ass" opening and closing tags (as any web monkey knows, it's crucial to close those tags... some impressive html here!):

apple sucks ass
that is why you did not buy it sammy

(remember ipods have awful sound for an insanely high price. ipod=ipiss)
apple sucks ass

See... isn't that nice? I feel like I'm really doing something worthwhile for the community. Anyway, I truly feel like an adult blogger now. It's like I just had my Blog-Mitzvah! And now, I'm a man.

*NEWS FLASH* I've just noticed that there is another stellar comment! This time it was posted to Ummm... Nice Socks. Again, brilliant in it's simplicity: "apple sucks." Oh, Anonymous... one day we shall know your true identity. Hopefully then, we will understand your rage...

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Monday, December 06, 2004

Your Favorite Cartoon Characters, Defleshed!
Posted by Sam at 1:39 PM

Apparently, I'm all about the linkage today...

Would you like to know what your favorite cartoon character's skeleton looks like? I know that I would. Here is a gallery by Michael Paulus displaying his interpretations of the skeletal structure of some well known cartoon heros. Totally brilliant!

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How to Survive a Zombie Epidemic
Posted by Sam at 12:50 AM

Have you ever asked yourself, "What would happen if zombies took over my town?" I know that I have. Have you ever asked yourself the follow up question, "What would I do if zombies took over my town?" The answer is probably, die at the hands of the walking dead, or even worse, become a zombie yourself. Do you want to know why you would fail so pathetically? Because you've never seen Gabriel Koenig's How to Survive a Zombie Epidemic. Click here to download it... if you know what's good for you.

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Saturday, December 04, 2004

Obi Wan was there for Luke
Posted by Sam at 1:52 AM

Well, I said that I'd never do it, but here I am. Posting to my blog, drunk. Drunk as a skunk. I've got "Let he who hath understanding" tattooed in black ink on the underneath of my left forearm. I think that it's pen. I hope that it's pen.

Anyway, I just spent the last half hour listening to Black Sabbath. The early stuff. The good stuff. The Paranoid stuff. I think now it's time to finish up with some Danzig. Oh, Glen Danzig, where are you when I need you? I mean, Obi Wan was there for Luke when he needed him... and he was dead! Where are you Glen? My mentor, my teacher, my master...

demon i am and face i peel
to see your skin turned inside out, 'cause
gotta have you on my wall
gotta have you on my wall, 'cause
i want your skulls
i need your skulls

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Friday, December 03, 2004

Only Two Hours Late to Work Today
Posted by Sam at 1:27 PM

I'm a good employee... Really. I mean, I was only two hours late to work today. In the grand scheme of things, what's two hours? I guess that my motivation has been in downward spiral mode ever since the incident.

The interesting thing is that I brought in a dozen donuts for the office today. Instead of my three bosses being peeved about my tardiness, they treated me like a hero. Only in this country would a box of deep fried, candy coated, glaze encrusted, sprinkle wearing, chocolate creme infused, sugar death bombs, make up for slacking at work.

Mmm... sugar death bombs...

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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Really Gross Noises
Posted by Sam at 11:05 AM

Being sick undeniably blows ass. There are a few perks however:

1) You get to make really gross noises
2) You hallucinate (at least I do)
3) Sympathy
4) You get to make really gross noises (did I mention that already?)

Anyway, I think the worst of it is behind me. But fear not, the gross noises will prevail... regardless of my health!

Oh... and I was forced to miss the Pixies show last night. The Pixies. The fucking Pixies. In their goddamn home town. Fuck!

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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