Friday, October 29, 2004

If Only I Had Children
Posted by Sam at 8:28 AM

I wish that I had a kid. I wish that I had a kid so that I could dress them up. I wish that I had a kid so that I could dress them up to make a political statement. I wish that I had a kid so that I could dress them up to make a political statement and have them mow my lawn. I wish that I had a lawn.

The point is, these costumes are pretty funny and well thought out. And while my costume is more sad than funny really (and by sad I actually mean pathetic), I feel obligated to bring some light to the costumes that are a bit more meaningful.

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

My Hell-o-ween Costume
Posted by Sam at 9:20 AM

I'm collecting opinions on my Halloween costume idea. I think it's brilliant! Ok... I'll be honest. It's pretty lame. Most of my friends (and colleagues) that I've mentioned the costume idea to, have simply rolled their eyes, mumbled something like "yeah... that seems about the right type of costume for this loser," and either walked away or changed the subject. I love my friends. They're really supportive.

Here is the costume idea: I have an old and broken (and bright yellow) electric guitar. It's a fake strat. The guitar is by no means something to be proud of. Anyway, the idea is that I will paint blood and mortal wounds all over the guitar. Maybe even dislodge the neck from the body. Halloween night, I will wear the guitar proudly on my back, in true rock fashion. People will ask, "Sam, what the bloodclot are you dressed up as?" To which I will reply, "An axe murderer... duh!" Get it? Guitars are sometimes called axes? I've got a murdered guitar strapped to my back. So, I'm an axe murderer.

Ok, fine. So I'm not going to win any Costume of the Year awards... not even honorable mention. But, at least it's punny. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. That just slipped out.

Any thoughts? Any costume ideas of your own?

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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

It's the Great Pumpkin's Reign of Terror, Charlie Brown
Posted by Sam at 11:41 AM

Why is it that my childhood memories of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" are way cooler than the actual film? Why is it that I remember some giant Pumpkin Lord levitating above Linus and Sally, showering them with stones and rancid pumpkin innards? Why is it that I remember Linus and Sally fleeing in terror as the menacing Pumpkin Lord chases them through the streets of Peanutsville (or wherever the Peanuts are from), shouting profanity and threatening to haunt their dreams? Oh... it must be because that's what I wish happened.

Here is my modified plot summary for "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"
Renamed: It's the Great Pumpkin's Reign of Terror, Charlie Brown

Linus convinces the Peanuts gang to perform an ancient pagan ritual know as The Harvest Summoning. Reluctant at first, the gang finally agrees when Linus promises them the resurrection of the Great Pumpkin, who will present them with mounds and mounds of sweet 1960's style candy in thanks for awakening him from his long slumber. In full black hooded satanic garb, the Peanuts gang tromp into the middle of the local pumpkin patch. A small clearing has been made where a pentagram, candles, and a sacrificial alter stand ready. The children stand in a circle around the pentagram, hand in hand, chanting. Linus, the High Pumpkin Priest, stands at the alter. A plump, juicy pumpkin shines in moonlight beneath him... the pick of the litter. A frightening array of pumpkin carving equipment sits next to the pumpkin. Linus hefts a large knife above his head and begins. "The time has come, O' Pumpkin Lord! Your awakening is near! From this moment 'til the end of eternity, the Great Pumpkin shall rule the earth. A time of candy filled prosperity is upon us. Rise, Pumpkin Lord! Rise and deliver us from this sugarless world. Show us the righteous path to tooth decay that only the Great Pumpkin's candy reign can bring!" And with that, Linus plunges the knife into pumpkin's thick walls. A bolt of lightning crashes down as the pumpkin begins to carve itself. The children gasp in horror. A face carves out of the pumpkin and rises above the children. Linus, the first of the Peanuts Gang to muster enough courage to speak, kneals before the Great Pumpkin, and says, "O' Great Pumpkin, we have awakened you from your slumber in our greatest time of need. We, the children of Peanutsville, are in dire need of your sweet candy bounty. Bestow upon us the sugary delights that we've craved for so long." The Great Pumpkin, seemingly indifferent to the pleas for candy, simply turns to look at the children. Linus and the gang wait with open arms and open mouths for delivery of the promised candy. The Great Pumpkin opens his mouth, as if to speak, but instead vomits an acidic orange pulpy pumpkin goo all over the children. Linus and the gang scream in agony as their flesh is melted off their bones, leaving nothing but orange stained skeletons. The Great Pumpkin pauses for a moment, rolls his floating pumpkin head back and laughs. The screen fades to black, but before the Pumpkin lord disappears to torment the world for the rest of eternity, the Great Pumpkin sends a wink our way... letting us know that he will be back for us.

The credits roll and we sit back in our living room chairs... satisfied. "Ahhh, another Halloween came and went. But this time, not without a demonic summoning and acidic pumpkin vomit."

Thank you, Great Pumpkin... wherever you are.

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

New iPods. I care... don't I?
Posted by Sam at 4:03 PM

Let's talk consumer electronics for a moment, shall we? Apple, my favorite provider of lust inducing, ultra sexy, ultra functional computers and toys, has just released the iPod Photo. I should care about this. I really honestly should. Everything that I know about myself leads me to the thought that I should be on my knees kissing the feet of the consumer electronics gods. But I'm not. And I'm trying to figure out why not.

I really like the idea of the extra storage capacity... up to 60gb now. The color display is nice. I love the fact that you can now see the album cover while you listen. The $600 price point for the top-o-the-line model is a little steep... but hey, it's Apple. That's what they do (it'll come down in price. I promise). I guess my problem is the addition of the photo capabilities. Is that really necessary for a music device? Is that really the feature that's going to make all those consumers who have been on the edge for so long, finally throw down (now) $600 for a music player?

The iPod was/is a revolutionary device. It plays music. What's so revolutionary about that? It does it with style. It's so streamlined and so well thought out. Anyone can pick up an iPod and, with minimal futzing (thanks for the yiddish, mom), be comfortable with it. I can't say that for most of the other mp3 players out there. That's why the iPod rocks. Because it does what it says it does, and it does it well.

The addition of the photo stuff in the new iPods just seems cumbersome. It seems like a feature that a lot of consumers are simply going to ignore. Include it if you want, Apple, but don't make us shell out another hundred beans if we're just going to ignore it.

Having said all of that, If anyone feels compelled to purchase one for me, I'll accept graciously.

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Drumroll please
Posted by Sam at 2:43 PM

Yes sir... here it is. This is the first official post. Numero uno. Sit back and get ready for something great. Well, not really. That's not what this blog is about. It's not about greatness. It's not about "my blog is better than your blog." It's about personal discovery. Ok, that sounds so lame. I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, that's where I'm going with this. I'd like a place where I can get some things out of my brain and into something tangible... like the internet... which isn't really tangible at all. And there you have it.

In all honesty, I've been in need of place were I can let some creative juices flow... where I can explore some thoughts and let them develop.

This blog,, is an experiment. It will be interesting to see if I can actually pull it off. Typically, with past projects like this, I tend to go full throttle until I hit a snag. Then I abandon the whole endeavor. Not this time. At least, that is my hope.

The main objective here is to get myself to write... about whatever is on my mind. Just get it out. I might talk about some little piece of tech that has caught my interest, or I may write about the horrors of living in this world, or quite possibly, what I had for lunch. It's all good. As long as I'm writing.

I invite you, the reader, to make comments. Make as many as you'd like. Let me know if you've experienced something similar. Let me know if you think I'm a flaming moron. Just let me know.

One final thought. I've decided to make the layout for this blog simple, clean, and easy to read. As a designer, I had to physically restrain myself... with duct tape... and that wasn't easy. But, it was necessary. I had to prevent myself from making this blog more than it needed to be. "It's just a blog" I would tell myself. "It's not my portfolio. It's not a client's site. It's just a blog. Just a blog. My blog." (All this while rolling back and forth on the floor. The flesh around my makeshift duct tape restraints, red and swollen. Drool forming at the corner of my mouth... You should have been there. It was great. Maybe I'll post a photo.) Anyway, there's only so long that I can hold back the designer in me. Things will probably change (visually). Hopefully for the better. I'm sure stuff will move around. I'm sure there will be some formatting changes. But fear not, the content will all be there, fresh and exciting, for you and me to enjoy or loathe or whatever.

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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