Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It Must Be a Sign... a Message from God
Posted by Sam at 12:00 AM | tags:

Today, on my 28th birthday, Apple released the widely anticipated MacBook (sans the "Pro" suffix). Clearly, this is a birthday gift to me. "Happy birthday, Sam. Here's something to lust over." And lust I will... cuz this 'book is da bomb! (Look... I'm old now. I'm not even going to pretend like I'm still (as if I ever was) hip, cool, or in-the-know. My elevated age entitles me to say things like, "da bomb." It's my right as an adult. Roll your eyes if you must, but know that one day adulthood will come knocking at your door too. And if you choose not to answer (like I did), adulthood will bust though the wall like the Kool-Aid man. Although instead of saying "Oh yeah!" and relieving thirst and boredom with brightly-colored sugar-water, he'll be brandishing a briefcase and a box of Fiber Flakes and be shouting something bland like "Buy low, sell high!" while day-old office coffee spills from his voluminous yellowed pitcher body. Yep, the UnKool-Aid man will come for you... in the night. And you'll never be kool again.)

So anyway, the new MacBook (remember? That's the topic of this post... geez, I'm so distractible these days. It's an irrefutable sign of my age, I suppose) comes in a very slick and very evil black shell. And if that's not incentive enough to purchase one, then I just don't know what is. Anyway, I won't bore you with all the specs... just the new and notable ones, like: This MacBook has a 13" widescreen with a glossy display. The base model clocks in at 1.8 GHz with an Intel Core Duo processor. There's an iSight camera built in, iLife '06 is included, and it comes with that cute little remote thingy for Front Row. Additionally, you got the MagSafe power feature and this 'Book supports an extended desktop (not just display mirroring) when you connect up an external display. All this for just $1100 ($1050 if you're a student).

That's hot! Me want.

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Friday, May 12, 2006

I Like Dead Things
Posted by Sam at 5:20 PM | tags: ,

Well, the semester is over. It was grueling. But it's done. And now there's finally time to concentrate on some other, more important, passions. Like my fondness for all things dead. Yep, I like dead things. I like 'em so much that I think I'll start a new blog about 'em. Let's call it, and let's read a bit from the intro:

It's true. I like dead things. In fact, the deader the better. And why? Well, it's really quite simple: I'm a disturbed young man.

In actuality, however, I'm very well-adjusted. I am. Really. Just ask my Mom (she'll also tell you that I'm handsome and quite a catch.
Hi Mom!). It's just... well, I've always had an obsession - no, let's call it a fascination - with elements of a darker nature, yet I've never been one to take this fascination too seriously. My unyielding love of zombie movies, for example, is a prime illustration of this characteristic. The zombie movie, while exhilarating in every sense of the word, is just a movie. I heart zombies. I really do. But I also know that they're not real. And you know what else? They're kind of cute too... in that helpless kitten sort of way. All they want are some brains or flesh to feed on. Is that too much to ask? Wobbling around and moaning... they're just hungry. Anyway, my point is that zombies, while decaying desecrations of death, are pretty darn delightful. Wait. Is that my point? No, I think my point is that as I maintain this blog, I will strive to keep one foot firmly planted in reality and will always attempt to have my tongue firmly positioned in my cheek. And so, despite my love of all things zombie, I know that, realistically, there is no legitimate reason to worry about a zombie outbreak (in my lifetime, anyway. My housemate has always said, "When it comes to zombie infestation, it's not a matter of IF, but more a matter of WHEN." Ahh... bless her paranoid little soul).

Fine fine fine... So you like dead things. I get it. But, what does your unhealthy obsession... er, fascination have to do with this blog? I mean, what the heck is this thing about, anyway? Well, I'm glad you asked. I LIKE DEAD THINGS is about all things dark, disturbing, and... well, dead. Posts will range in topic, but every entry will be united under one universal theme: creepiness. Yep. No blogging about the Care Bears on this site... unless they're mutant bizaaro Care Bears that come alive during the night to collect human eyeballs. Yeah, that'd definitely be blog-worthy. But, it's important to note that, much like my fascination with elements of a darker nature, I LIKE DEAD THINGS will never take itself too seriously. It is my intention to find the humor amidst the creepiness, and blog about it without remorse.

Let's recap, shall we?

1. I like dead things. It's true. I do.

2. I'm very well adjusted. Just ask my Mom.

3. Zombies are delightfully cute.

4. This blog is about all things dark, disturbing, and dead.

5. Despite the morose theme, this blog will endeavor to find humor amidst the death... and it is there. It may be at the bottom of a pool of blood, but it is there. And I'll find it. I'll wade through blood until I stub my toe against it. And then, of course, I'll blog about it.

And there you have it. Enjoy... if you can.

So, please take a gander at my newest blogging endeavor:


It's sure to make you pleasantly nauseous.

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Other Night in the Library
Posted by Sam at 3:24 PM | tags:

As a general rule, no story, anecdote, or blog entry has any remote chance in hell of being interesting with a title that reads, "The Other Night in the Library." Unfortunately, this post is about events that transpired the other night in the library. So, in a half-assed attempt to provide an excuse for a half-assed blog entry, I opted to keep the title as accurate as possible. And maybe... just maybe, this stimulating post will help to eradicate the stigma that hovers around anything whose topic is library related. Let's break down the walls of stereotypic oppression! The library isn't just a place of academic introversion! No sir! It's a thrilling realm of adventure where excitement can be found around every bookshelf... umm... see, here's the problem. Excitement can be found around every bookshelf!? Typically, "bookshelf" isn't part of an adventure exuding vernacular. The word "bookshelf" kind of lends itself to... well, more of a library-esque atmosphere.

And here we are. Right back where we started. So, I give up. Sigh. Anyway...

The other night in the library... I think it was Friday night (I can't really remember. The last couple of weeks seem to have been smooshed into a blurry torrent of coffee consumption, writing, and librarying). I do, however, know that it was 2 a.m., because I was the only soul in that place. It was a pathetic new low for me. While the entire campus was out doing whatever the cool kids do on a Friday night, I was in the library... doing whatever the uncool kids do on a Friday night. No, not Dungeons & Dragons. I was being a studious grad student. Geez...

The icing on this particular cake of shame, came when the lights in the library decided to turn themselves off. My immediate thought, of course, was that the library had closed up around me and I was locked in and I was going have to eat my own leg to survive the cold dark night alone (at which point, consisted of a short six hours before the library staff opened up in the morning. But still...). As I stood up in the darkness to confirm my doom, the lights turned back on. It occurred to me at that point that the lights were controlled by some kind of motion-sensing apparatus. I had been sitting so perfectly still that these library light robots had thought me to be either dead or furniture. Either way, I felt comforted by the fact that the library automatons considered my nocturnal existence to be of such little consequence that even light, a fundamental staple of life, was an excessive indulgence and really, I should be able to get by just fine without it. Oh wait... did I say, "comforted?" I meant demoralized.

Anyway, the point is that this semester, while grand and wholly edutastic, needs to be over. Right now.

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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