Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Milk Crates and Plywood
Posted by Sam at 6:32 PM | tags:

Yeah, yeah... Apple did the 17 inch, Intel MacBook Pro thing yesterday. Yee-haw! It's got a whole boatload of great stuff, including blah bliggity blah blah blah...

Look, it's a nice machine and all, I'm just not terribly excited about it. Firstly, it was inevitable. No surprises here. Nextly (okay... come on now, spell check! Nextly!? That's not a word!? Are you sure?)... and I should note, the following complaint isn't really targeted directly at the new 17 incher. No, it's aimed at the entire population of 17 inch behemoths. Really people, these things are like the size of a coffee table. Slap some legs on these suckers, throw a few magazines on top and you've got yourself one hell of an over-powered piece of furniture... not to mention costly. Yeah, I come from the school of thought that any piece of furniture can (and should) be constructed entirely out of milk crates and plywood. And if you want to "jazz" things up a bit (you know, to impress the ladies), just staple on a few towels. Not only does it provide an added layer of comfort, but you can wipe your hands on it too.

Okay, where were we... ah yes: Nextly, it's one big mofo. Doesn't that sorta, ya know, defeat the whole portability thing? It's a laptop. Shouldn't it be able to fit on one's lap?

Anyway, I'll be impressed when the li'l 12 inchers pop out... or maybe the 13 inch wide screen version. Yeah. That'll be hot.

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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Jealous of Spam
Posted by Sam at 12:49 PM | tags:

I received spam today. It somehow bypassed the otherwise exceptional, Mac OS X Mail spam filter, and landed straight in my inbox. While this, in and of itself, is nothing to blog home about (as I'm sure we're all fully aware, however, I've been known to blog about much less. Much, much less. So this really shouldn't come as any surprise. But I digress...), I found one certain component of this unsolicited email to be particularly eye-catching. The sender of this spam, who unabashedly asks the question that's been haunting us all, "Tired of low-quality Chinese and Indian medications?" goes by the following name... a name of such ultimate coolness, that I feel compelled to put it on its own separate line. Ready? Peep this:

Motorcycle H. Satanic

Now if that's not a power name, I don't know what is. Motorcycle H. Satanic... try it out. It rolls right off one's tongue like a delightful bit of drool. And gosh... I just want it to be my name. I want to be Mr. Motorcycle H. Satanic. I want my business card to read "Motorcycle H. Satanic, Professional Wrestler (or whatever)." I want to hear, "Mr. Satanic, your gold-plated, diamond-encrusted battle droid has just finished its detailing session. Care to take it for a spin?" Ahh... with a name like Motorcycle H. Satanic, the world would be my oyster. My gold-plated, diamond-encrusted battle oyster.

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Where's My Intern Monkey!?
Posted by Sam at 6:20 PM | tags: , ,

The blogosphere is abuzz with an overabundance of banter about Boot Camp (ahh... alliteration. I feel like a MacAllen brother). Clearly, there are those who are more qualified then I to talk about Apple's controversial decision to allow the devil (a.k.a. Windows) to coexist on Mac hardware. It's just that my Macintosh punditry, while self-proclaimedly (okay... self-proclaimedly!? That's definitely not a word) insightful and glorious, is fueled largely by half-baked ideas, under-researched facts, over-caffeinated enthusiasm, and a deep-rooted, passionate love of a company that can do no wrong (unless they release an iPhone). So, I'm sure you can easily find a plethora of Mac bloggers that actually substantiate their writing with verifiable facts. And I support that... I really do. I just don't employ that particular tactic myself. No, I prefer to proliferate the rumor mill by adding preposterous fuel to the fire. "So, how 'bout that Apple PDA that's set to be released next... etc." But you know what? I have no problem with you straying and reading their well-crafted and thoroughly researched insights. Hey... all the more power to you. And all the more power to them... with their fact-checking intern monkeys, or quick google searches, or whatever. If they've got the time to fact-check, then let the bona fide facts fly! All I'm saying is, it's just not for me. I'll make up my own damn facts, thank-you-very-much.

Phew... now that that's out of the way, I do have one last Boot Camp related thought/complaint/idea/confusion to bring up... and then, I promise sam bot dot com will return to its regularly scheduled rambling mayhem:

So Apple released this Boot Camp software thingy that enables Intel based Macs to natively run Windows. And this is okay and legal. Microsoft isn't complaining and much of the computer using world is happy. So then, what's stopping a company like Dell from releasing their own version of Boot Camp... essentially a piece of software that partitions the drive and enables their hardware (through new drivers and such... just like Boot Camp) to run Mac OS X? In other words, if Apple is able to say, "Sure, run Windows on our Macs," then why can't Dell say the reverse, "Sure, run Mac OS X on our Dells"?

Clearly, Windows is not licensed to run on any singular piece of hardware. I mean, you can find a copy of Windows putzing around on any generic beige-box PC out there. But, is Mac OS X legally and exclusively bound to Apple's hardware? Can anyone who legally owns a legal copy of Mac OS X legally install it on any legal PC hardware... legally (assuming, of course, they have the technical know-how)? I just don't know.

See, this is why I need my very own fact-checking, unpaid, intern monkey. Well for this, and of course to provide me with a constant and steady flow of coffee. That's what internships are all about, right? Getting coffee for your superiors... maybe lunch too. Eh, whatever. It's like a rite of passage. A sucky, not-unlike-slavery, working-for-nothing, lowest-rung-on-ladder, I-wish-were-dead, is-this-really-what-it's-like-in-the-real-world, craptacular, rite of passage. Yeah, I definitely need to get me an intern monkey.

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

So, Who's Up for Boot Camp?
Posted by Sam at 5:45 PM | tags: ,

This Windows on Mac announcement really came out of nowhere. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. The Mac rumor mills have spat this one out before... but of course, they've also reported that Microsoft is going to buy Apple, Steve Jobs is a robot, and that Apple is making an iPhone. The point is, it's hard to know what to believe... and doubly so concerning rumors reporting some kind of Apple and Microsoft amalgam. Come on now... Boot Camp!? Who woulda thunk it?

Right... so, it's called Boot Camp... and Apple is the first to admit that it's only a working title. Boot Camp, in essence, allows a Mac OS X user who's rocking an Intel based Mac to install and run Windows XP natively on their hardware.

(If this were a podcast, I would definitely insert that corny sound effect of a record needle being pushed violently off of a spinning record. You know... that sound signifying that someone has said something so completely nonsensical and absurd that it stops the party dead in its tracks... as all the happy party-goers turn and stare in horror. Yeah, you know the one I mean. Well, it'd be so appropriate here... don't you think?)

Is this a good idea for Apple? Will it get more people to buy Apple hardware? Shit if I know! What I do know is that it definitely sweetens the deal a bit. My only question is whether the consumer, who knows that they can now natively run Windows on their Mac (legally and Apple authorized!), will assume that this merger will inevitably lead to a Mac OS that runs natively and legally on PC hardware... maybe. In short, if Windows can now run on a Mac, it's logical to assume that Mac OS X will, in time, run on a PC. So, will the consumer simply wait for the release of Mac OS X for their PC... so they can install it on cheaper PC hardware?

Regardless, this Apple Authorized dual-boot is intriguing. Especially now, considering the fact Apple is the only hardware manufacturer that can claim that their computers can boot both Mac OS X and Windows (natively and legally). That, in itself, is huge.

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Hey Sam, How Are You Feeling?
Posted by Sam at 1:55 PM | tags:

Well, let me tell you: My nose is encrusted with those crusty crustules of dry, raw skin that form from the excessive blowing of one's nose (despite the addition of Puffs Plus to the flu fighting arsenal). My body aches, and my eyes won't focus. My voice is all but gone, and I've switched fully over to tea instead of coffee (how am I expected to be productive without coffee?). There's piles of used tissues surrounding me... a wall of ill-health keeping the sickness in. I am constantly dehydrated. And the mucous... oh the free-flowing gallons of greenish goo... I'll spare you of that one.

But, I am feeling better than yesterday. And I suppose I'll feel a bit better tomorrow. And perhaps a bit better the following day. And, with some luck, I'll be at 100% awesomeness for the weekend.

In the mean time, however, feel free to share in my misery. In fact, let's all enjoy this sickness together (after all, sharing is caring). Let's revel in the gross noises, the gross fluids, and the all-encompassing grossiosity that is this flu. Let my grossness be your grossness. It's a celebration of disgust. And a gift from me to you.

Aren't you glad that you asked?

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Monday, April 03, 2006

I've Got the Flu, Gimme Some Sympathy
Posted by Sam at 9:59 PM | tags:

Oh this vile sickness,
Filling the hollow of my soul.
It scalds the walls of my throat,
Digging spurs deep in the red raw flesh,
Escaping with a savage violent cough
That shakes pieces from the sky.

This is the sickness that dwells within me.
Vile, raw, savage.
It has found its home,
For now and forever.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Burrito Warrior
Posted by Sam at 5:34 PM | tags:

Just over a year ago, I was confronted with a huge, potentially life-changing decision. One choice would lead me towards academic supremacy. And the other? Well, it was a bit less scholarly. It was a big decision... and recently, I'm learning that perhaps I chose unwisely.

The first option was grad school. And obviously, it was the path that I chose. The second was something very different. It involved burritos, a motorcycle, and boundless adventure. This direction was The Burrito Warrior.

The essence of The Burrito Warrior was a cross-country roadtrip (Boston to San Francisco), by way of motorcycle, eating nothing but burritos along the way. The entire exploit was to be documented via blog (of course) at burritowarrior.com (of course). My intentions were to plan far in advance. I needed to learn to ride a motorcycle, get my license, and plot my route and burrito stops... all the while blogging through the experience and hopefully getting some attention along the way... some sponsorships or ads on the blog couldn't hurt either.

Sounds pretty rad, right? Yeah, I was fully stoked. I was set to be the Burrito Warrior and adventure was in my sights.

And then I decided to go to grad school.

And while grad school has been fun, I'm growing a little tired of it. It's become more of a burden than anything else.

So, yesterday I bought a motorcycle.

And from the ashes of disappointment, the Burrito Warrior will rise once again!

A friend of mine at school sold me the bike cheap. It's in okay condition... it should get me across the country... probably... hopefully... well, it's sure to provide me with a lot of opportunity to learn some basic motorcycle repair. I mean, it ain't no looker... but then again, neither am I. Anyway, I'm planning on leaving in mid May. I've got a ton of work to do in preparation. But, this just feels right... you know?

So, about finishing grad school... well, I guess I've just lost my motivation. I already told the university that I'm not coming back. I'm going to sort of half-ass the rest of the semester... but it doesn't really matter. This grad school thing just isn't my bag. I know, I know... I wasted a lot of money and time. But, well, sometimes you just have to do what feels right.

Okay, I'll stop trying to validate my decision. It's too late to turn back now. So, I'll be fully launching burritowarrior.com in a few days when the domain is all set up... but in the mean time, you can check out the blog design and read a more thorough explanation of the adventure here.


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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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