Saturday, April 15, 2006

Jealous of Spam
Posted by Sam at 12:49 PM | tags:

I received spam today. It somehow bypassed the otherwise exceptional, Mac OS X Mail spam filter, and landed straight in my inbox. While this, in and of itself, is nothing to blog home about (as I'm sure we're all fully aware, however, I've been known to blog about much less. Much, much less. So this really shouldn't come as any surprise. But I digress...), I found one certain component of this unsolicited email to be particularly eye-catching. The sender of this spam, who unabashedly asks the question that's been haunting us all, "Tired of low-quality Chinese and Indian medications?" goes by the following name... a name of such ultimate coolness, that I feel compelled to put it on its own separate line. Ready? Peep this:

Motorcycle H. Satanic

Now if that's not a power name, I don't know what is. Motorcycle H. Satanic... try it out. It rolls right off one's tongue like a delightful bit of drool. And gosh... I just want it to be my name. I want to be Mr. Motorcycle H. Satanic. I want my business card to read "Motorcycle H. Satanic, Professional Wrestler (or whatever)." I want to hear, "Mr. Satanic, your gold-plated, diamond-encrusted battle droid has just finished its detailing session. Care to take it for a spin?" Ahh... with a name like Motorcycle H. Satanic, the world would be my oyster. My gold-plated, diamond-encrusted battle oyster.

Comments: 4 | Post a Comment | Permalink

that is gold encrusted awesome...

Comment By bryan on April 15, 2006 9:12 PM

But what could Mr. Satanic's middle initial possible stand for? Hell, Hades...Helter Skelter? The possiblities are endless.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on April 16, 2006 11:32 AM

which makes me think about what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stands for.

does anyone know that?
such a thought-provoking post.

Comment By s.2.0 on April 17, 2006 11:30 AM

answered my own question:

Using the name of "Jesus Christ" as an oath has been common for centuries, but the middle initial has unknown origins. Neither the Bible nor any other early historical reference to Jesus assigns him a middle initial. Christ, in any case, is not a last name, but rather a title meaning anointed - it is Greek for Messiah.

The phrase "Jesus H. Christ" has been extended in many cases, both as a colloquialism, and in its use in television and film. For example, in the comedy "The Blues Brothers", a film starring John Belushi and Dan Akroyd, Jake Blues (Belushi) exclaims, "Yes! Yes! Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, I see The Light!" during a period of religious fervor.

It is often stated, jokingly, that the H stands for "Harold" or "Howard", as in "Our Father, who art in Heaven, HAROLD be thy name" (supposedly a child's mispronounciation of "Hallowed" in the Lord's Prayer). Although this is an amusing speculation, it is an unlikely source for the phrase. Similarly in England, a common joke is that the H is for Henry - the letters INRI, seen on crosses and some graves, are a rough approximation of the Cockney "Henry".

Some claim that the H was seen in the "IHS" symbol and was interpreted as a middle initial. ("IHS" is a popular abbreviation of the name "Jesus" rendered in Greek letters.) This is speculation, and no definitive source gives evidence for this or any other etymology, though IHS is occasionally written IHC, representing the lunate sigma common in medieval Greek.

Another theory is that the H stands for Hell, which is often used as an oath by itself: Hell! or Oh, Hell! The juxtaposition of Hell with the name of Jesus Christ may have been intended as ironic humor.

Another possibility exists that H comes from "Himself" and is somewhat self-referential in that sometimes one hears an expression such as, "I'm the baddest dude since Jesus H. Christ Himself!", which could have easily have begun as "Jesus Christ Himself", been transposed and shortened to "Jesus H. Christ", and then the original "Himself" eventually added back in at the end.

Yet another theory says that H has been substituted for an F, and that the original form was Jesus F. Christ, short for the frequently-heard oath Jesus Fucking Christ, showing epenthesis. This too is speculation, there being little evidence either that Jesus F. Christ is anywhere near as common, or that those who use the full form feel any need for a euphemism.

Lacking solid evidence, some have opined that the H could stand for "haploid", owing to his mother's virgin birth. Although clever, this cannot be considered a likely origin for the initial.

Also, legend has it that Benjamin Franklin forgot to capitalize Jesus in a newspaper once, so the next week he put the H in just to mock the people who noticed.

The least interesting explanation is that H simply stands for either "Holy" or "Hebrew", or that it was just chosen at random.

Perhaps the simplest explanation is that the H stands for absolutely nothing, and originated with speakers of English with accents which tend to strongly emphasise the first word of a phrase when cursing. In some cases the natural rhythm of the phrase "Jesus Christ" then suggests a missing middle syllable, which may have been inserted at random. Anecdotal evidence suggests that this may be the case with English speakers with strong Irish accents.

Comment By s2.0 on April 25, 2006 7:49 AM

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Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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