Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Covered In Monkey Entrails
Posted by Sam at 3:43 PM

There are three class periods left in the semester and I am just now discovering that I have a faculty mailbox. Yep. Good to know. So, I picked up my mail for the first time today. There was a lot of really useful information in there... most of which would have been "really useful" two months ago, and is now only semi-useful (in that padding-the-bottom-of-the-recycling-bin sort of way).

Hmmm. I wonder if there is anything else that I'm missing out on... like an office, or a teaching assistant, or a helper monkey... I'm envisioning a dark hallway in the basement of a random building on campus. There, at the end of the hall sits a lonely door with a placard reading "Sam - Graphic Design." In front of the door, two rotting corpses. The first, a fresh faced (in that fresh-faced-rotting-corpse sort of way) teaching assistant. The second corpse is really more of a pile of bones than an effective corpse. The teaching assistant probably had to devour the helper monkey in hopes of fending off starvation for as long as possible... god forbid she/he leave the post she/he has so diligently kept... there, covered in monkey entrails, outside the unused office door, alone, in the dark basement hallway...

I wonder if that would negate my eligibility for "Teacher of the Year?" Oh well. Screw it. As long as I get a paycheck...

P.S. I revised this entry like six times. I apologize if your RSS feed reader has been bombarded with what seems to be the same post over and over. "Proofread before you post," you say? No deal!

Comments: 3 | Post a Comment | Permalink

Sam, that happened to me once...well not really I just wanted you to feel better.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on May 04, 2005 4:07 PM

a) you still owe me and robin helper monkeys

b) where is my sidebar guest column on your weblog?

Comment By Dr. Kennedy on May 04, 2005 4:20 PM

I found another monkey that could help you!

Comment By Coll on May 04, 2005 7:54 PM

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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