Tuesday, April 26, 2005

We'll Put Prostitution in the "Maybe" Pile
Posted by Sam at 1:37 PM

Like a sack of kittens tossed into a pond, it's starting to sink in... that I'm going to be very poor, very soon. In a mere 38 days, 3 hours, and 23 minutes I am going to be jobless. Hallelujah! Free at last!

The prospect of career emancipation is not only liberating to my work-torn body (spine curved from years spent shackled to a faux wood laminate wrap-around desk (meant to enhance productivity by allowing for an expanded work area, but really serving as a quasi-prison; the occupant can leave, but that process is so difficult, uncomfortable, and graceless that it seems easier just to stay and work), fingers crooked and gangly from maneuvering that little plastic rodent and smashing those tiny buttons on that anti-ergonomic plank of confusion, wrists bent permanently, and eyes (oh the horror!), blank, bloodshot, and forced to cower behind thick walls of corrective glass. Now where was I? Ah yes: The prospect of emancipation is not only liberating to my work-torn body...) but to my heart and soul as well. I can only imagine what that freedom will feel like: soaring as carefree as a bird, with nothing holding me back... aside from the all too real fact that I cannot fly.

Despite how amazingly wonderful it will be to be unemployed, the alarming reality of a future absence of income is slowly chiseling away at my delight. The horror of a paycheck-less lifestyle is only amplified by the inevitable onset of dept. Mounds and mounds of it. This grad school thang sure ain't free.

So, what are my options? Well, there's always the whoring myself out option. Though certain skills, or lack there of, might dissuade the return customer. Yeah... let's see if I can find a more lucrative/legal alternative. We'll put prostitution in the "maybe" pile.

Here's what I've got so far:
1) Freelance. This is a sure thing. And for the most part, I enjoy it. The only problem here is that I can't rely on it. The income can be very good, but is never consistent.
2) Tutoring. Wanna learn some web design? Wanna learn to play the drums? Want to learn how to program your VCR? At this point, I really don't care what I teach.
3) eBay. I've got tons of stuff that I don't need... but how long will it last?
4) Part-time Job. Ummm... no thanks. Let's treat this as a last resort.

What am I missing? Any ideas? Get rich quick schemes? Help!

APOLOGY: Sorry about that really disturbing kitten photo.
APOLOGY (part II): Sorry about that really disturbing "sack of kittens" simile.

UPDATE: As I was writing this post, I received a call from the administration at the college at which I teach. A professor/friend there just got into a really bad car accident. Details are minimal. I've been asked to take over her class tonight... maybe longer if it's not canceled. I really hate the idea of profiting from someone else's tragedy but... there may be some classes next semester in need of an instructor. Arghhh! This feels weird.

Comments: 3 | Post a Comment | Permalink

38 days, 3 hours, and 23 minutes 'til the basement is clean.


Comment By s2.0 on April 26, 2005 2:41 PM

S2.0, you WISH he'll take his basement stuff with him...

Sam, that is a cat? I thought it was a small dog. About the same, either way. And very, very unhappy. Hilarious!

I'm sure something will work itself out for moneys. You could always write peoples papers for them and do their homework. Or blackmail some professors with photoshopped pictures (who will know?) and get lots of moneys!

Um. Good luck? Chew through your shackles! Then get dentures! I'm just rambling now, so I will stop.

Still, liking the wet kitty...

Comment By Blackwatch on April 26, 2005 4:10 PM

with all of this teaching experince I would imagine that it would be very easy for you to snap up a TA position...even though I hate those assholes. It would mean quick and somewhat easy money. You should investigate.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on April 27, 2005 12:29 PM

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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