Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Flesh Car
Posted by Sam at 1:23 PM

I'm trying really, really, really hard to not blog about how crappy things are at work right now. Oh... I guess that I just did. Ah well... and now for something completely different...

WARNING: While the following entry is brilliant in every way, the subject matter has been known to make queasy those with weak stomachs. Read with caution.

Flesh. Not only is it chewy and delicious, but... wait, that's not it. Let me start over: Flesh. Living tissue. Miraculous, regenerative, living tissue. When I crash my body into something, I bruise... sometimes I bleed (often I swear). But amazingly enough, I heal. Give my body time and I can heal almost any flesh wound. Truly amazing!

When I crash my car into something, it dents, scratches, or cracks. That costs me money and time and aggravation. I need to have it fixed. I need to bring it somewhere and pay someone to fix it. That's lame! Totally lame and totally antiquated. Imagine however, that the body of my car was made out of living flesh instead of cold, dead steel and plastic. I could simply give it some time (maybe rub in some Neosporin) and it would heal itself. Problem solved.

Sure... why not? I'm no fancy shmancy bio-engineer or anything, but come on... how hard could it be to graft some living tissue onto a car's framework. (And just think, you could get your car a cool flame tattoo.)

As far as maintenance? Well, I'm not really sure. I'd assume that one would have to rub on some protective balm for the cold winter months... maybe some sunscreen during the summer... and then there's the occasional pimple to attend to... it's a labor of love really.

Hmmm... since this is living tissue that we're talking about, we'll have to feed it somehow. Our flesh car needs nutrients. And since we're feeding it, it'll most likely create some kind of waste material. Uh... I guess that'll need to be disposed of. And can the flesh die? Can it contract disease? Will it start to rot? Flesh cars will rot instead of rust... weird. And creepy.

Ok... admittedly, this Flesh Car idea of mine is a tad underdeveloped. I recognize this and I'm ok with it. In fact, this is specifically why I'm blogging about it. I am generously open sourcing the Flesh Car. Yes! As of right now, the Flesh Car is open source. Go internet, go! Take this idea... run with it! Frolic in the autumn mist! Do whatever you need to do to make Flesh Car a reality.

Anyway, I'm kinda grossing myself out... so, I guess that's it.

Comments: 3 | Post a Comment | Permalink

I imagine you would see a fair amount of people picking the scabs off of their cars while sitting in traffic.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on March 16, 2005 8:42 PM

i think we've talked about this before, but wouldnt that pretty much be a horse?

Comment By manuel_noriega on March 17, 2005 1:44 PM

Nope... not a horse. Maybe I was unclear. I want to combine the inner mechanics of a car with a fleshy outer shell. Somewhat like a cyborg horse. That might be closer to a flesh motorcycle though... which would be equally as cool!

Comment By Sam on March 17, 2005 3:00 PM

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Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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