Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Palm, You've Done It Again!
Posted by Sam at 8:17 PM

Congrats Palm, you've done it again! You've added another unimpressive and uninspiring piece of hardware to your already lacking product line.

Those creative and forward-thinking guys and gals over at Palm Inc. (or Palm Pilot, or PalmOne, or Access OS, or whatever their name is this month), have just released a spectacular new product. Something so spectacular and new that you're likely to curl up in the nearest corner and cry. Yes, cry. Cry till your tear ducts have nothing left to cry and they poof out vapor clouds of dried tear powder. And when someone asks why you're crying in the corner (because inevitably, someone will), you can tell them that you're crying because now, thanks to the innovative innovations emanating from Palm's headquarters, humanity's long stint of suffering and agony is finally over. Brothers and sisters, these are not tears of sorrow. Nay! They are tears of joy! For today, Palm released a laptop. But wait! Not just any ol' laptop. It's a little laptop. Hurray!

See, not all that impressive, is it? What really gets me though is the mounds and mounds of media attention devoted to this product's release. Maybe I'm missing something... and perhaps you can help. Okay okay, fun time! Yay! Complete the following sentence: Palm's new laptop thingy is great because
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________.

(I'll even start the first one.)

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Indy!
Posted by Sam at 2:43 PM

Hot! I just read that a portion of the filming of Indiana Jones 4 will be taking place in The Have (okay. Not have. Hayv... with a long A. Like HAVEn. Get it? That's what all the cool kids call New Haven. Are you a cool kid? I'm a cool kid.)! Apparently, there's going to be "some kind of car chase on Chapel between College and High streets." June 28-30. Yeah. That's hot.

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My Filth
Posted by Sam at 12:53 PM

Sometimes I find the most difficult time to write is when I have too much to write about... hence the severe lack of updateage. But yes, I'm still alive. And no, my thesis didn't kill me (though it tried its damnedest... and proved to be a more-than-worthy adversary. Good for you, thesis!).

So yeah, I'm all graduated and stuff. The graduation ceremony was spectacular. It was a beautiful day, I got an award, there was free beer... needless to say, fun was had by all. And now, into the real world, to experience bigger and better things. Like debt and unemployment.

It's funny though: grad school, Quinnipiac, the endless amounts of research, writing, and general academic toil... for the past two years, these have all been monstrously strenuous and mentally exhausting parts of my life. And despite my relentless complaining, I've loved every excruciating moment. In fact, I've reveled in those moments. I've rolled in them, gleefully, like a pig in its own filth. But now, without any real preparation, I've been yoinked, remorselessly, from my sheltering filth. Sadly, I've discovered that my filth was keeping me warm... sane... content. My filth was keeping me filled with purpose.

Sigh... it's cold and strange out here without my filth to slog through. Perhaps I should get a doctorate.* Yes! Back to the cozy, comfortable, filthy world of academia!

Sallie Mae, baby, I'm coming home! Now where's that loan deferment form?

*Doctorate? Umm... no way. Not for all the coddling filth in the world.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Bible Bar!
Posted by Sam at 4:44 PM

Yeah. I saw it in the store and I just had to. I couldn't resist. I needed to know what the seven foods of Deuteronomy 8:8 taste like... in bar form. And the result? Well goddamn goshdarn! That's one divine Bible Bar.

(Actually, it was kinda bland.)
 

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

Tremendous Wildebeest
Posted by Sam at 10:08 PM

Staying in line with my most current theme (and my most passionate hobby), I'd like to bring to everyone's attention the fact that there is FREE COFFEE being distributed (for this, and most of next week) in the Quinnipiac University Law Library. All you have to do to participate in this spectacular event is simply say that you're a law student. So, if anyone asks, I'm a law student. Heck... I'd declare myself a tremendous wildebeest* if it results in free coffee.

*Yeah, I'll admit, "tremendous wildebeest" is an odd thing to declare oneself. But I'm trying really hard to work it into a blog post... cuz it's sort of an inside joke... but not a very funny one... and that's all I got... and I'm gonna go now... ZINGGG!!!**

**And just so we're all on the same page here, "ZINGGG!!!" is the sound it makes when I leave really quickly.

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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Indy!
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