Friday, November 18, 2005

The Disappearing Gwar Post
Posted by Sam at 4:32 PM | tags: ,

Firstly, thanks to all who commented, emailed, and offered their support through this trying and troubling time. The way the blogosphere came together on this one was really heartwarming. This calls for a group hug. Ummm... I don't know... hug your computer or something.

The legacy of the elusive Gwar post (the story thus far):

Let me see if I can paint an accurate picture of the world during the time of this tragedy. The year was 2005. It was a cold and blustery November, as I recall. I had just finished a monstrous post about tagging and categories that, I'm sure, bored the living bejesus out of my three regular readers (hi mom!). I had been putting it off for as long as possible, but it was inevitable... I had to write a follow-up post at some point. But how could I gracefully bring the quality of posts back down to the regular sam bot dot com standards? I had outdone myself... or so I had thought.

And then the solution hit me... like an epiphany... of pain. In fact, the sensation was not unlike a good-morning-kick-to-the-groin; sharp and jarring, yet eye-opening and spiritual. I would bring the quality back down by introducing a Gwar analogy. Perfect!

And so it was done. And there was much rejoicing.

And then it disappeared off of Bloggers server. And there was probably much more rejoicing... but none by me.

And so it was reposted. Yea!

And then it disappeared. Boo!

And so it was reposted. Yea!

And then it disappeared. Boo!

And then there was bean dip (for some reason). Yea! Which brings us to now... where we stand on the cusp of a momentous event. Here, for the fourth and final time, I am going to post the notorious Gwar post. Read it while you can, because ten minutes from now, it is likely to disappear into the void.

So, without further adieu, I give you the Gwar post:

Bringing the Bar Back Down. Way Down.
(originally posted on Tuesday, November 15, 2005 at 12:36 a.m.)

I'd hate to be the band scheduled to play following Gwar's set. It's not that Gwar is an amazing pack of musicians... no, quite the contrary. It's more the question of how one could possibly follow an act like theirs? I mean Oderus Urungus, Gwar's frontman, comes on stage looking like Conan the Barbarian dipped in acid, vomited on by satan, and then treated to a shopping spree at the local Hot Topic. The band, during their set, spews gallons of (presumably fake) blood onto the audience, sends fans through the "meat grinder," and lights stuff on fire! Honestly... how do you follow that!?

Similarly, how do I follow a post like the last one? It was like a zillion words long, full of academic splendor, and included the perfect accompanying photo! I suppose, I'll have to be content with a post such as this. Instead of writing Pulitzer Prize winning phases like, "the current state of excitement amongst information organizationophiles," I'll have to be satisfied with intellectually devoid articulations such as, "dipped in acid, vomited on by satan, and then treated to a shopping spree at the local Hot Topic."

It's comforting to know that here, at sam bot dot com, raising the bar only leads to a temporary predicament. Just give it some time and I'll bring that bar back down... way down.

An important and relevant addition to the above post: Gwar blogs! Each member (in character) maintains a blog on their site. Click to read:
Oderus Urungus's blog
Balsac's blog
Flattus Maximus's blog
Beefcake the Mighty's blog
JiZMak's blog
slaves's blog

Comments: 2 | Post a Comment | Permalink

Nicely done...I notice that you are employing the Trojan Horse attack, hiding the Gwar post inside an innocuous post. I hope it works this time.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on November 18, 2005 5:33 PM

Shocker Toys acquires licensing rights for GWAR!

Buffalo, NY. – Shocker Toys announces they have acquired the rights to produce GWAR action figures in Shockini form and 6-8 inch fully sculpted figures. GWAR has been the most horrifying band since it's inception in the 80's, the present and ongoing. Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak Da Gusha and Balsac the Jaws of Death will be featured in the set based off of their GWAR characters.

Under a license from GWAR, the GWAR action figures will retail for around $15 and will be available at specialty stores and mass retailers in Summer of 2006. Each figure will come with plenty of murderous accessories and a GWAR comic book for a little reading after dark! Also to be produced will be Shockini versions of GWAR shrunk down into 3 inch block figures they will kick the block figure world square in the blocks!

GWAR came to rock when their creator imprisoned them in an iceberg on the frozen continent of Antarctica. Millions of years later: 1980ish. Glam rock was at its peak, groups like Poison and Whitesnake were dominating the airwaves. They inspired a whole slew of new "hair spray" bands. But little did they know, all of that hair spray put a hole in the ozone - right above Antarctica! Soon the unfiltered gamma rays melted the iceberg and GWAR was free. Taught to use instruments by Sleazy P. Martini and learning the language from watching midget wrestling and MTV they soon became known as the greatest band in the Universe...

About GWAR
GWAR is a satirical thrash metal/punk band formed in 1985-1986 by a group of artists and musicians at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, Virginia. The band is perhaps best known for their elaborate sci-fi/horror film inspired costumes, raunchy lyrics, and graphic stage performances. For more info visit:

About Shocker Toys LLP
New York, Buffalo based Shocker Toys LLP, founded by Geoff Beckett in 1999 as a creative new product developer in the toy industry. This company is transforming itself into a fully functioning new force in the action figure business. The company’s current roster includes such lines as Toxic Avenger, Electrobyte Shockinis, AC Comics, Blue Water Productions, Arcana Studio, Bucky O’ Hare, Judge Dredd and their own new brands of customizable toys. For more info visit:


Comment By Mike Teal on January 14, 2006 8:35 PM

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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