Saturday, September 17, 2005

$300 To Check My Email From the Bathroom
Posted by Sam at 9:32 PM | tags: ,

I gave up on Palm devices about a year ago. Don't get me wrong, they're very cool and very capable little toys, and I was an avid fan and addicted palm user for about three consecutive years. I owned a hand-me-down Palm m100 (I think), then I upgraded to a Kyocera 6035 (dubbed, "the graphing calculator" by my little sister... because it was about the size of a TI-85. The 6035 was one of the first Palm powered smart phones. It was such rad gizmo, and when it was new, it turned many a head when I pulled it out (why does that sound dirty?). But, as cell phones got smaller and lighter, it became an embarrassment to pull out this "graphing calculator" shaped brick and put it up to my ear to make a call), and then finally I graduated to a Tungsten E (of which I still maintain the opinion that it is one of the best Palms ever made when considering the most-bang-for-your-buck).

Unfortunately, Palm devices just stopped fitting into my life. After I got over the initial joy of installing games and little utilities onto the Palm, I really only used it for the built-in calendar, address book, and every once in a while, the calculator... all of which can now be accomplished on my tiny, clamshell cell phone.

One of the other things that my Palms didn't have was wireless connectivity. This was a big frustration for me. Especially in a world where WiFi is a burgeoning standard. My cell phone has Bluetooth, so why doesn't my Palm? Of course I know that there exists Palms with Bluetooth and WiFi, but obviously they are in the higher price range. I'm not spending $500 for a mediocre and chunky device just so I can connect wirelessly.

And through this and other similar frustrations, the Palm, as a personal life necessity, was phased out.

Yesterday however, I read about the Tungsten X. 802.11b WiFi. Bluetooth. 320 by 480 pixel display. And more... for $300. I got really excited about this when I read it. Why though? I mean, it's essentially just like my Tungsten E, but with wireless. Is wireless really that important to me? Well... yes.

There's just something really appealing about being able to check my email in the bathroom. Now, I've never hauled my Powerbook to the potty with me, but I have taken various Palm devices (and, so have you! And don't try to tell me that you haven't. Playing solitaire, bedazzled, or snood on the john is a luxury that a Palm user can't resist. There's no use denying it, and there's no shame in admitting it). Imagine checking your email from the bathroom. Imagine reading your news. Imagine even reading sambot... from the comfort and privacy of your own facilities.

And there you have it. I'm lusting after an, as of yet unreleased, Palm device just so I can know the pleasures of emailing from the bathroom.

To my friends, I say this: consider yourselves forewarned. For the next email you receive from me, may in fact, hail from lands where the porcelain gods are mighty, and the air is oft wrought with a stench known only to one's kin and housemates. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Honestly though, $300 for a device of this sort may just be the impetus I need to get back on the Palm wagon. But, while we're here (and while I've had a few glasses of wine), let us all gather 'round and join hands for prayer. Please, repeat after me:

Oh gracious Apple Computer,
Giver of the most streamlined and sexy toys around,
Deliver us from the toil that we are forced to endure.
Deliver us from the Palm OS, and Windows Mobile, and those Linux based handhelds whose names I cannot recall.
Give us a device touched by Steve himself.
Let us sync with iCal, Address Book, and iPhoto.
Give unto us a device whose quality is second to none.
We shall embrace it and love it as we have done with the iPod.
Call it the Newton II, or the NEWton, or the iPad.
Call it what you will, but withhold it no longer.

Steve Jobs rocks my world. Amen.

Comments: 5 | Post a Comment | Permalink

And you've never hauled your Powerbook into your bathroom why? Oh, you must own one of those 15" or 17" models instead of the svelte 12" Powerbook. ;)

BTW, you can get a Treo 650 from Verizon for under $200 with rebates now. I know full well from experience that the 650 is a great newspaper or e-mail client in the bathroom.

In a single stroke, I've guaranteed that only the most hardened geek out there will ever try to steal my 650. :D

Comment By Evan Light on September 18, 2005 7:35 AM

Well, you have piqued my curiosity...and I was just planning on buying some new Palm PDF software for school the other day.

Comment By TheDarkLordDerfla on September 18, 2005 9:29 AM

Ok. This has got to be one of the most innuendo filled blog/comment/post combos I've ever seen.

All this, just because you are excited to use your Palm in the bathroom...

Comment By Blackwatch on September 19, 2005 1:17 PM

Not only have I hauled my laptops into the bathroom (yes. plural.)

But, for a long time I was using the Siemens SX66 phone.

I know, I know, it's a Windows Mobile device.

But, it's a cell phone. A sleek, svelte palm pilot.

It's got bluetooth and wireless.

And snood.

Just a little too large to carry with me day-to-day.

But WiFi access to read slashdot while shitting...man...

Comment By Dr. Kennedy on September 19, 2005 2:03 PM

Wait... Dr. Kennedy, you don't mean that you hauled multiple laptops into the bathroom with you at one time!? I could understand one laptop and maybe one handheld device... but multiple laptops? That's just excessive.

Oh... and remind me not to touch any of your stuff.

(just kidding)

Comment By Sam on September 19, 2005 2:20 PM

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Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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