Monday, January 09, 2006

Heading For an Inevitably Violent End
Posted by Sam at 9:41 PM | tags:

It's interesting that commercial airplanes supply so much safety stuff for survival in water. "Your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device." "A life vest can be found under your seat." "In the event of an emergency, this door explodes into a really fun looking slide! But wait, there's more. The slide detaches and can be used as a life raft!" Kinda makes you hope for a catastrophe, doesn't it? I mean, those escape slides look more fun than your average carnival ride... and just about as safe too.

I think that I'd trade in all of that superfluous water survival crunk for a measly parachute. Do planes really crash in water that often... more so than on land? If a plane bursts into flames thousands of feet in the air and is spiraling towards the earth's surface, heading for an inevitably violent end, what're the chances of landing safely... regardless of whether the plane lands on water or land? I mean really... gimme a parachute and I'll be on my way, thank you very much.

These are the things I think about while flying. I also think about how much I have to pee, and the amount of effort it's going to require to rouse the slumbering elderly couple barricading me into my window seat... against the metal walls of this parachute-less, airborne, behemoth of a deathtrap. Gosh... I love flying!

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Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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