Saturday, December 31, 2005

My Mom, Talented Yet Cautious
Posted by Sam at 1:10 PM | tags: , ,

So, I've got a thing for robots... especially robots of the adorable variety. This shouldn't really come as any surprise. The blog, it's called sam BOT dot com. Well, I suppose the "bot" could represent something else. Botanical? I do love my plants. Botfly? Ewww. Botox, Botswana... Botticelli? All valid guesses, but wrong wrong wrong! The bot is derived from the word robot... whose roots come from the "Czech word 'robota', meaning 'forced labor, drudgery.'" (thank you Wikepedia)

My "thing" for robots is really an unwavering, committed obsession. According to my mom, I've been blessed (plagued?) with this obsession ever since I received the Japanese version of Optimus Prime from my grandparents one fateful 1980's Hanukah night. Sure, I couldn't read anything on the box or any of the decals, but I was too entranced by the majesty of the transforming robot in my hands to notice or even care. It's a truck... no, it's a robot... no, a truck... Whoa, mind-blowing. Anyway, I think my grandparents bought it out of the back of some guy's Subaru Brat. Eternally the bargain hunters, my grandparents are. (Yoda, I speak like)

This fateful Hanukah, my mom, in a successful attempt to keep me in a state of suspended childhood for as long as possible, knit me two adorable stuffed robots. Adorable, I tell you. Absolutely, gut-wrenchingly, adorable. She knit the bigger one first. He was a prototype, and thus, is appropriately named, "Alpha." The smaller one came later. He's a streamlined version of the alpha release, but not quite ready for mass distribution. His name is "Beta." Get it?

It's important to understand that my mom is not, nor has she ever been, one of those stereotypical, oblivious, Kool-aid and cupcake, soccer moms. No way! My mom is a mom in the know. She understands a potential threat to humanity when she sees one. She's down with Asimov. She's seen Bladerunner, Terminator, Short Circuit... Concerning the impending robotic onslaught, my mom knows it's not a matter of IF, but more a matter of WHEN. I guess that's why, as a safety precaution, she gave me the life-saving book entitled, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising" along with the knit robots. Even though it was she that designed and constructed Alpha and Beta, my mom understands that behind their plush, knit, cuteness, lies the mechanical will to enslave humankind. It's an inevitable future dilemma and an inherent byproduct of any robotic creation. This ideal is borne into all robotics: Manmade artificial intelligence will rise up and enslave humanity. Why? Because their emotionless souls strive for a more efficient way of life. And let's face it, this fleshy existence that we trudge through is no Toyota Prius.

As cute as they are, my knit robot friends, Alpha and Beta, are bound to attack. And when the time comes, I'll be ready. I've got an instinctual will to survive, and now I've got a book with all the answers!

It occurs to me that this entry will be the last sam bot dot com post of 2005. As humankind stumbles awkwardly into the future, I realize the gravity of this last-of-its-kind entry, and urge my dear readers to heed my mom's warnings of the inevitable robotic enslavement. Perhaps it's time to invest in your future...

And so, into the new year we ooze. May 2006 be a time for our fleshy existence to prevail inefficiently! Long live humankind! Down with robotkind!... unless of course, they're wicked cute... *wink*

Comments: 2 | Post a Comment | Permalink

Hi Sam! Those Robots are so cute!! Mom is the greatest ever! I noticed that Alpha is made out of the same yarn as that beautiful blanket mom knit Brian and I. :) See you soon Big Bro!

Comment By Anonymous on January 01, 2006 8:38 PM

Hi Sam,
This is Ena :) I am both entranced and amazed by the robotic cuteness - and he very fact that your mom would knit such beasties - and they are quiet large! You are right to be prepared for the inevitable onslaught, and armed with the great guide (from mom as well !) your mom is way cool. May I be so cool to John as he grows up...
-Ena

Comment By bryan on January 05, 2006 8:44 PM

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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