Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Shut the Damn Thing Off
Posted by Sam at 10:34 AM

Author's note: I'll be the first to admit that this post is fueled largely by rage and coffee and is entirely and lovingly under-researched. But the first sentence of this post does read, "As a devoted and impassioned Mac user..." and thus, you'd be a fool to expect anything less then rage, over-caffeination, and an inadequacy of research. Having said that, please enjoy.

As a devoted and impassioned Mac user, the first thing that I felt compelled to do with a Microsoft Windows Vista machine (that I begrudgingly accepted an invitation to "test drive") was simply to make it go away (go away, Vista. You're too... shiny). Yeah, I just wanted to turn the whole damn thing off. I wanted to go back to my PowerBook and tell her how much I appreciate her and how I'd be a fragile, broken mess without her. But I knew better than to display weakness in front of this unfamiliar beast. And I knew that being faced with the uncluttered comfort of a blank monitor was enough to calm me until I could muster up the strength to go in once more.

Right... so all I wanted to do was to shut the damn thing off. Is that too much to ask? Well apparently it is. Microsoft, holding true to their standard practice of redefining the way things work, has decided to take the universal symbol for on/off and redefine it to mean something else... hibernate or sleep or power-nap or pass-out or whatever they're calling it now... which is anything but "off."

Damn it, Microsoft! You can't do that! You can't take the tried and true on/off symbol and make it mean something else! That's infuriating! Think of all the millions of other electronic devices that rely on the universal definition of that symbol. What if Microsoft, in their next iteration of Windows... let's call it, oh I don't know, Vomit... Microsoft Windows Vomit, decided to redefine the color red to mean "keep on truckin'" instead of what it is universally known to mean: stop. It would be chaos. Pure traffic chaos. The prolific nature of the Windows operating system is such that millions of its users will be forced to reassociate the color red with "keep on truckin'" instead of "stop." Millions will die horrible traffic related deaths... all by way of your bloody hands, Microsoft. Can you have that on your conscience? Are you powerful enough to have that weighing down on your soul? Sadly, Microsoft, you probably are. Sigh...

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith... Dead!
Posted by Sam at 6:40 PM | tags:

Anna Nicole Smith is dead... yet somehow, life goes on.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Your Daily Hasselhoffing, Part II
Posted by Sam at 3:22 PM | tags:

Virtually waxing David Hasselhoff's chest.

Yes, I think the internet has finally reached its peak.

Sadly, there's nowhere to go from here, but down.


(Link) (Via) (Part I?) (I heart parenthesis)

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Monday, February 05, 2007

Yale and Snot
Posted by Sam at 2:46 PM | tags:

Yesterday, I spent some time studying in the Yale University library. I thought that I was going to get the snot kicked out of me when I pulled out a folder with the Quinnipiac logo proudly featured on the front. No need to worry about me though. I'm suffering from a bit of a cold as of late, and have been experiencing some nasal congestion... and so consequently, whatever snot the Yalies decided to kick out of me would have been much appreciated. See... we all win.

Tragically, no actual snot was kicked out of, or by, anyone. But I did, however, feel unwelcome from the get-go. I couldn't even connect to the Yale wireless network... actually, I couldn't even find the Yale wireless network. It must be some hidden Skull & Bones secret society thingy. I guess that I need to know the special handshake before I can be granted permission to check my email.

Yeah, Yale... it's old and pretty and all that, but my heart belongs to QU. Go Bobkittens! Meow!

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Friday, February 02, 2007

Not Art
Posted by Sam at 5:25 PM | tags: ,

Anne Geddes is not an artist, and what she does is not art. I don't exactly know what it qualifies as, but it's definitely not art. It's unholy and disturbing (and not in the delightfully evil Danzig sort of way). Furthermore, anyone who encourages Ms. Geddes to continue with her... oh I don't know... craft?, should be punished severely. Really, all y'all who feel compelled to buy posters and calendars and all of her other assorted schlock, need to be evaluated by a professional mental physician. There seems to be something very wrong with you.

But don't beat yourself up about it. Millions fall victim to her demonic scheme daily. Yes, millions. I don't know how... drop a baby in flower pot and people get all weak in the knees... dress an infant in a bumblebee costume, and hot damn!, the masses are ready to do her bidding. Truly, it's a frightening glimpse into the future: Anne Geddes and her legion of hypnotic Bumblebee Babies leading humanity to their doom. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Ms. Geddes is Satan.

Now Thomas Kinkade, on the other hand... there's an artist whose schlock I can really get behind...

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Sam Who!?
Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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