Sunday, September 03, 2006

Caffeinated Threat Level: SEVERE
Posted by Sam at 3:07 PM | tags: ,

After two of these Starbucks caffeine bombs, separated by one hour and one sugar-coated blueberry muffin, I have to admit, I'm feeling pretty darn good.

Caffeine status: comfortably above normal.
Sugar level: not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

I'm beginning to worry, however. The cafeteria, the source of caffeinated bliss, closes at 3:00 p.m. on Sundays, and here I sit in the library, studying dutifully (what? Blogging counts as studying. Duh!) as the hands of destiny (or Timex... whatever) gently tick away. With each passing stroke, their calming tick becomes less of a steady count of time and more of a deafening reminder... a countdown to certain peril.

Now, a slippery 2:51 p.m. and the caffeine supply is slowly dwindling down to the bottom-of-the-cup dregs. My productivity dwindles with it. What to do, what to do...

Thankfully, the good people at Starbucks had the foresight to create... and the committee in charge of purchasing at Quinnipiac University had the foresight to purchase... Iced Coffee in a Can. Yes, it's true. Starbucks coffee. Iced. In a can. Yours for the inflated campus store price of only $2.29 a hit. Truly a godsend in times of need... troubled times like these, where one is forced to wonder whether there really is a God and if so, why is he so cruel (why would God close the cafeteria when I am in desperate need of coffee? Why, God? Why?). But now, with the availability of Iced Coffee in a Can, my faith has been renewed. God lives and is producing miracles daily! Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I'm off to the campus store to drop a couple of bucks in exchange for an 11 ounce can of heaven.

UPDATE/CORRECTION: As was previously assumed, God is in fact, dead. The campus store is currently closed, thus disabling one's capacity for Iced Coffee in a Can procurement. Spread the word my dear readers: God is dead and is no longer performing miracles daily. My sincerest apologies for the confusion.

Comments: 1 | Post a Comment | Permalink

havent had the canned stuff yet. but good to see youre blogging again! -cheers

-dave t.

Comment By Anonymous on September 04, 2006 5:51 PM

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Sam is an amazing and humble guy. Once, he rushed into a burning building, up six flights of stairs to save a kitten from certain death. He speaks eight languages, has mastered three varieties of martial arts, is a wine expert, and is a pulitzer prize winning author. Sam is an international heart-throb who prefers a quiet evening at home knitting afghans for the homeless, to the go-go, glitz and glamor of the party scene. I think the day he won the silver medal for ballroom dancing at the 98 olympics was the happiest of his life. Pretty impressive for a guy who never finished the 8th grade. - Carrie, 04
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